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One Side: Beth

Sometimes she films me while I’m eating. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

My best friend of a decade, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to record everything all the time. During meals out, she says, “The phone eats first,” and snaps pictures with the flash on, which makes me cringe. I don’t like it when other people see her performing for the camera – I get vicarious awkwardness. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her styling career. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram later, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, making a strange expression or be captured while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also anticipates that I will to record her at inconvenient times. Often I’ll be talking to another person, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our bond has turned into me being her unpaid videographer. She could easily employ someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of industry functions, which were appreciated, but that doesn't compensate for all the energy I spend assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become just a ledger of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if the camera is out, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with another. It’s so silly. It's crucial her to understand that our decade-long friendship still has limits. I enjoy spending time with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an audience. I am not a prop for her online persona.

The Other Side: The Content Creator's View

I hope my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us an opportunity.

I love creating videos. It’s not just a hobby; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and engage with people in new ways.

I wouldn't label myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to make money from your interests. I admire people on social platforms who execute that style of casual, DIY content creation.

Content creation is my interpretation of engaging with life: observing the details, posting them with an audience that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make Beth uncomfortable. Bringing her to industry events was my way of offering access, providing her a chance to experience exclusive moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we create together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not everyone enjoys being filmed, but sometimes unplanned moments is what makes material genuine. Being recorded occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I would delete anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my private filmmaker, but companions support one another in minor capacities. My assumption was recording a clip now and then would be fun for Beth. Creativity flourishes in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and enjoyable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never deliberately embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value our friendship profoundly and don’t want making videos to drive a wedge between us. I’m willing to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and steering clear of angles that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about control, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a substitute for real connection: it’s just part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for each of us.

The Jury: Reader Opinions

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are socializing?

There’s nothing more uncomfortable than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it’s Marielle’s passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. Given the dark, looming future of technology, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, you can’t ask your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn’t mean everyone around her is willing material. She needs to honor Beth’s personal space.
Ankit, 26

Marielle might love making content and showing off her life publicly, but it isn't for everybody. It was kind she has assisted her friend professionally, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so cling to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Foster some real memories, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. In fact, public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer lies not in trying to alter one another, but in each setting clear boundaries around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable middle ground.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been exploiting their friendship?